an all around loon.

"Remembered for setting the world on fire... and escaping the clutches of her terrifying family... made friends with everybody and anybody... creating chaos and uproar where ever she went." -Factory Girl

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I'm Not Normal.

I often tell people the only things I’m good at in life are 1) catching lighters 2) 21 questions and 3) something else I can’t remember at the moment, because honestly those are the only things I can think of that I am remotely decent at. Truth is, I’m pretty terrible at life in general. I’m not complaining about it either because hey, sometimes it’s more fun that way. Sometimes I believe I’m a better person when I have less on my plate. The thing I’m probably worst at though is being normal. I’ve tried for almost three years now and my progress has only declined.

When it comes to many situations I have come to notice I don’t react like most people do. For instance, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- I’m too nice, I’m a people pleaser, I don’t know why but I am. I have a hard time saying no, especially to anyone that isn’t important to me. Many people see this as being fake or conceded, but trust me I am the farthest thing from either of those two. Whether it be a cigarette, a ride, money, or anything else- 9 out of 10 times I’ll do the favor, expecting nothing in return. Or even in awkward situations; I don’t have many, or any for that matter, enemies, but there are a few people in my life that I’m not too comfortable being around. Still whenever I’m in their presence I treat them like anyone else, even if I shouldn’t. I hate drama and have never been a fan or partaker in it, so maybe that’s why I react that way, or maybe it’s because I’m literally just trying to have fun while I’m young and I’m good at adjusting and making the best of what’s around.

Anyway, most of the time I don’t mind these things either, but every so often all of these little (and sometimes big) things pile up and I feel like I’m about to explode with frustration. But another thing about me, I’m the kind of girl who can be dying on the inside but still force a smile; I tend to bottle things up. And this is what I’m talking about when I refer to normalcy, because along with many other things, I lack the ability to know what’s right and what’s real; I’m not good at knowing what’s considered normal and what’s considered crossing the line. So I’m done trying, because clearly normalcy just isn’t my style.

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